Here's a dumb guide. You don't really need to read it, but the most important thing is How to Play.

Table of Contents

How to Play
Portable Save Files
Interacting with Crap
Pause Menu
Character Types
Unlocking Side Episodes
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How to Play

Congratulations on getting this far, you rockstar! :)
It's important to know how to play this game, or else you'll die! Let's get started with the basic commands!

Move - W A, S, D
Basic Attack - Left-Click
Special Attack - Right-Click
Pause - P
Talk to People/inanimate objects - Space
3D Colors!!!!!
To attack, hold down the mouse button to see the targeting indicator.
Let go of the mouse button to launch the attack!
You'll notice that this requires both a keyboard and a mouse. Be sure you have both! Now, using a touchpad might be HELL to play, but there are certain characters that might be okay with a touchpad. Please try to play with a mouse though.

Here are the following touch-pad friendly characters (mostly because their L-click abilities are non-targeting):
Amanda C.
Eric H.
John T.
Kelly W.
Nate M.
Nicole C.
Shahid M.
Shelby M.

Honestly though, play with a mouse.

Portable Save Files

The way Flash works is that it saves a Flash cookie to a random location on your computer. This is your save file.
Sometimes you might want to play on a different computer though.

On the title screen, hit the "Export" button to export your save data into an incomprehensible text file.
Then you have that portable save file, and can transfer it to another computer, so that you may click on the "Import" button on the title screen and re-open it!

This is especially useful if your save data has bugs on it due to the game having bugs. I can go ahead and fix that if you email me/facebook me. :)

Interacting with Crap

You can walk through all characters and enemies!

You cannot walk through walls :(
You can teleport across walls if you can though! Perkinites like Cia M. have a teleport ability :)

All attacks can pass through walls. Skillshots, bullets, conic attacks, etc.

There are three kinds of teleports: blue, red, and green!
Blue teleports take you to new places!
Red teleports block you from going into those new places. :(
Green teleports are story-driven teleports, and basically help you advance through the story. If you see them, you should go to them!

Pause Menu

Let's break it down!


Girl you can see what Perkinites are fighting for you here!

Your stats + item bonuses are on the left. The stats of the Perkinite you are currently displaying are on the right.
You can rearrange the order of your team by dragging + dropping the Perkinite icons in the team slots!


Items are really cool!

Items can give you stat bonuses. All of these stat bonuses are automatically applied to you, so there's no need to worry about equipping X or inserting Y here.


You can change the following settings here!

Fullscreen - Do you want to play this game windowed or fullscreen?
Invert Mouse Wheel - Because you can use your mouse wheel to change Perkinites on the fly, you can choose how the mouse wheel interacts with that.
Music Volume - Change the volume of background music here.
Sound Volume - Change the volume of sound effects here, like laser sounds or shit.
Quality - Change the quality. Lowering quality can improve game performance if your game lags.


Fleeing is fun! Is a certain level too boring or do you just want to instantaneously teleport back to Perkins 2F? Click this button to do so!


This game has lots of difficulties! These difficulties only apply to episodes.


If you want to spam L-click to win and just are in this for the "story", play this mode!


If you want to spam L-click slightly more strategically, play this mode!


If you want to spam L-click and R-click slightly more strategically, play this mode!

There are two extra difficulty modes, only available on replay and only available on Boss episodes.


If you want to spam L-click and R-click and pray you don't die, play this mode!

Deny the Love

Deny the Love is a different difficulty mode. You will only have control of the Generic Perkinite, and all of your attacks deal 1 damage. Bosses' HP will be altered to correspond with this, meaning that Boss HP = how many hits you need to do to kill them. Bosses will have different patterns as well.
Also, instead of the boss music you're used to, new boss songs will play! What fun. See if you can guess the inspiration ;)


Are you having trouble dating in the real life?
Congratulations, dating in Perkinites is a lot easier, and it's also beneficial to your enemy-bashing progress!
Dating works like this! When you're in Free Time Mode, go up to a 2nd Floor/Honorary 2nd Floor Perkinite and you'll see a purple dialog. Click on that to start dating, whoo!

Once you decide on a location, you'll have to listen to them prattle on about some random crap, and then comes the wooing stage. In the wooing stage, you must give them an item in order to level up your relationship. Depending on what level your relationship with them is, you'll need to give them an item worthy of that level. Essentially, you need to give them more and more expensive items.
Here's the boundaries:
Level 0 - Any item
Level 1 - Any item at least $2.00
Level 2 - Any item at least $4.00
Level 3 - Any item at least $6.00
Level 4 - Any item at least $8.00
MAX LVL - Any item

Failure to give them an item that qualifies for these conditions has a 50% of decreasing your relationship level.
Not giving them an item will definitely decrease your relationship level. Don't be stingy!
Radical! And remember, leveling up your relationship increases the stats of the Perkinite you're flirting with. So go ahead and start dating the VIRTUAL VERSION OF ME OMFG AND LET REAL ME KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GIVING VIRTUAL ME

Character Types


This particular Perkinite is focused on getting close to enemies to attack. They may have another ranged attack, but their primary damage focus is through melee.
Ex: Charles Y. - Kendo Strike (L-Click)


This particular Perkinite is focused on getting far away from enemies to attack. They may have another melee attack, but their primary damage focus is through ranged.
Ex: Ryan J. - Rugby Shot (L-Click)


This particular Perkinite can move around during L-click attacks. Usually is melee, has very low defense and low attack power, but can evade attacks pretty well for the most part.
Ex: Sophie Q. - Jade Fang (L-Click)


This particular Perkinite can dash for their L-click ability. Usually has low speed and okay attack power. Their dashes help set up for their R-click abilities, which compensate in damage/utility.
Ex: Clarence H. - Duelist (L-Click)


This particular Perkinite can dash for their R-click ability.
Ex: Tevin J. - Lung Crusher (R-Click)


This particular Perkinite has good defense.
Ex: Eric H. - 20% initial Defense


This particular Perkinite focuses on being immobile during their attack routine and are usually ranged.
Ex: Kevin H. - Acidic Sarcasm (L-Click)


This particular Perkinite has at least one attack that is focused on dealing a crapton of damage in one go.
Ex: Tim G. - Hail Down (R-Click)


This particular Perkinite has at least one attack that is focused on slowing down/stunning an enemy.
Ex: Vivian H. - Cold Shoulder (R-Click)


This particular Perkinite has at least one ability that is focused on speeding up/healing/shielding your Perkinite.
Ex: Chloe C. - Shield (R-Click)


This particular Perkinite has an R-click ability to vanish temporarily, so that most enemies can't detect where they are.
Ex: Michael F. - Stealth Mode (R-Click)


This particular Perkinite can teleport.
Ex: Michael F. - Stealth Mode (R-Click)


This particular Perkinite is iconic in one of these Character Types.
Ex: C. Kata - Super Ranged

Unlocking Side Episodes

There are three episodes not part of the main story, in the locations of the GCB, Keeney, and CIT.

Episode EX1 - GCB

This is only available after completing Episode 1.
Go talk to the Drunk Guy in Perkins GF Lounge.

Episode EX2 - Keeney

This is only available after completing Episode 3.
Get Bryce's ID Card inside Jo's. Give that to Bryce.

Episode EX3 - CIT

This is only available after completing Episode 5.
C. Kata, Lobsang, and Alvin are playing Mafia. Go talk to Alvin and agree to help turn in his homework.


Perkins - The Freshmen Dorm to be in! I guess now it's a Sophomore Dorm, so never mind about now, but in the past, it was totally the place to be.
RPC - Residential Peer Counselor. Did I use this in the game? Not sure.
WPC - Women's Peer Counselor, aka Katie G.
MPC - Minority Peer Counselor, aka Ananya A.
De-Perkinites - Demon Perkinites
Cardinal Servants - Really strong Demon Perkinites
Time Portals - Portals that can either take you to the Demon Universe, or randomly create an anachronistic merging of timelines within the CIT

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Congratulations! You should know more about the game than you used to before. Go play it, and be sure to kill some demons and date some people just for me :)